Annie (2014) Review

Preface

  • Well, it looks like I’ve now completed my list of Top 5 Worst Movies of 2014.
    • And thank God too, cuz I was gonna have to watch Ouija.

Cast/Characters

  • Every single actor that is in this movie is turning in the worst performances of their careers.
    • Maybe not all of them, but this is in the bottom 3 of every actor.
  • Rose Byrne was actually my favorite part about the movie, since she acted like a normal human being where everyone else was a bizarre cartoon.
  • Jamie Foxx, for instance.
    • He plays the father-figure to Annie, who’s supposed to be the Daddy Warbucks character in this.
    • He was honestly better in The Amazing Spider-Man 2.
    • There are points where he’s dumping buckets of candy over his head, dancing on top of tables, and just all of this absurd stuff that only exists in a montage.
      • Which those were in, but they were too unrealistic, even for a montage!
    • I felt so bad for Jamie Foxx in this movie because he was doing his best to be this character, it was just the direction and script that were too beyond belief!
  • But beyond belief, holy God, Cameron Diaz in this movie…
    • I though Antonio Banderas in The Expendables 3 was gonna be the weirdest, most cartoon-ish performance of the year, but that was WAYYY too premature.
    • Cameron Diaz walks on her first scene of this movie, and you know the entire movie is about to go downhill.
  • The lead actress, whose name I know but don’t want to make an effort of misspelling, isn’t evening that great.
    • Is she a functional Annie?
      • I guess?
      • A lot of other talented young actresses could have played her though.

Direction/Music

  • Let’s talk about what was passed off as “direction” for this movie.
  • The “direction” which will continue to be in quotations was non-existent.
    • It felt like whoever was hired to direct this thing just printed off the scripts, gave them to the actors and taught the actors how to run the cameras before he went on vacation to God-knows-where.
  • Nothing in this movie felt natural, it was all way too staged, and way too forced 100% of the time.
  • And let’s talk about the music.
    • In a musical, maybe the story isn’t always great. Maybe the direction isn’t spot-on. But the music should be good.
    • The music in this movie is absolute horse-manure.
    • Everything sounded horribly auto-tuned and dubbed-over by a computer.
      • Not only that, but the lip-synching in this movie is atrocious too.
      • There were more than three or four occasions in this movie where I just thought that a background song was playing as characters talked, but that was supposed to be the characters singing!
        • You watch the first musical number and you think it’s unnatural and the lip-synching is horribly executed, it goes WAY downhill from there, my friends…
      • If this movie had any kind of directing in existence, then it may have been actually watchable, but it wasn’t. It was atrocious.
        • I’ve seen elementary school performances of Annie Jr., and they’ve been a lot better than this.

Script

  • The only thing worse than the “acting” and “direction” in this movie was the script.
  • There are actors like Jamie Foxx and Rose Byrne in this movie who are trying hard to give credible performances, but this movie is just hoping to be so magical for viewers, it gets lost.
  • Not only that, but this movie doesn’t make any sense.
    • Spoiler Alert.
      • DO YOU CARE?
    • So they do the subplot towards the end where the baddie in the movie says he’s found Annie’s parents, and that they, a judge, and the Department of Child Services have all signed off on it.
      • I’m sorry, but do a judge and the Department of Child Services not, ya know, check for you I.D. when you’re claiming to be someone’s parent?
    • And he says he had a DNA test done.
      • I guess nobody decided to check that out either, so basically the Department of Justice and Department of Child Services are nonexistent in this movie in addition to the Direction, Musical Quality, and Acting.
    • This script is honestly one of the sloppiest I’ve seen all year, and it’s something I appalled was ever approved by produced.

In Conclusion

  • In conclusion, Annie was a complete disaster of a movie that got worse the more and more it went on.
  • The performances were crap, or phoned-in at best, the direction was completely invisible, the script was absurdly terrible, and the music was absolutely unbearable.
  • Ladies and Gentlemen: for the second time ever on this site, it is my pleasure to tell you all that Annie is…

a 1/5

  • Well, I can still imagine it was probably better than Ouija…

***

So guys, those are my thoughts on Annie. What are your thoughts? Let me know down below, and as always, thanks for reading guys.

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One thought on “Annie (2014) Review

  1. I am elated I have never nor do I intend to ever watch ‘Annie’ in any media. The current incarnation of the story is Hollywood’s feeble attempt at ‘political correctness’….

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