Well at least we know they aren’t aliens…

So guys the new trailer for the Michael Bay produced Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles re-re-reboot was released today, and of course people are talking about it. And just like 99.9999% of those people I am predicting failure for this movie, I could almost put money on it.

So let’s talk about this trailer, cuz I guess that’s why I’m here… Four precise words come to mind when watching this trailer: WHAT. IS. GOING. ON. I saw the original Transformers (I’ll probably see Age of Extinction) but I know just from that movie that Michael Bay makes these movies where you can absolutely never tell what is happening in the action sequences. Funny thing: he isn’t even directing this one, but you can’t tell what’s going on! First thing in the trailer, you hear is this guy say, “surveillance is showing heavy Foot Clan activity!”. And then we see an extremely flashy montage of the Turtles taking down the Foot Clan, I think? I can’t make out a single action sequence in this trailer, the lighting is off and it’s literally not even filmed properly. Then April O’Neil (I’m also extremely mad Megan Fox plays her) traces the Turtles up to this roof which just shows some terribly-written “humor” with maybe one good joke (the “but seriously we will find you!” line).

But after that there’s some more montage with a Splinter voice-over, then we see the Shredder armor which wasn’t completely hilarious. Granted it looks pretty CGI, but I do think that the bigger design and more weapon-like features at least make it scary.

But speaking of scary, this is as good a point as any to talk about the tone. Christopher Nolan revolutionized film itself by making a dark and realistic Batman movie, but not every movie has to be that way. I mean the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles? There are so many better things to Nolanize…

But going back this turd-collage, the trailer starts playing a bunch of stupid dubstep and montages to the flimsy end. The only other good part of the trailer, other than the Shredder armor, is the end which seems poorly acted, but at least it’s cleared up that they aren’t aliens! I feel like that’s a specific wink-wink thing trying to get us to like Michael Bay after he told us they were aliens, though, so even that compliment collapses on itself!

Alright guys, so what do we have here in the most basic, blunt and simple form? A bunch of montages consisting of pointless action, bad humor and Amazing Spider-Man falling-building rip-offs. This all while sloppily throwing on some out-of-place dubstep and a glimpse of some actually cool armor. Can you guys tell I’m waiting for this movie to fail? Well at least we know they aren’t aliens…

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So guys, those are my thoughts on the new trailer for Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles coming August 8^th. Have you seen the new trailer? If not, I’ve put it down below. This is actually the second trailer, there was one back in March that was a little less aggravating, but in any case I’m not anticipating this film. But what about you guys, are you looking forward to it, if you are or aren’t, let me know down below and as always, thanks for reading guys.